Being home is.... not what I expected. I feel like I've packed away a time capsule with my family and home inside. Like nothing has changed but people have somehow gotten different. It's wierd. But not even really.
I noticed this little notebook on the coffee table and figured Mom had written in it. So I opened it and in the back, the last like 5 pages were filled with her writing. It kind of made me sad to read what she wrote... It was back when she was with my dad and before they had split up. It was basically her absolutely terrified of the real world and going out and getting a job. She felt like she could be a writer but she was too scared to send anything in. She said she felt lost and didn't realize how difficult a mundane life would end up being. So basically why try anymore?
I never realized how lost she felt and how unsure of herself she was. I mean, I myself am pretty damn sure of myself most of the time and I suppose I've gotten that from my dad. But damn, I know for a fact, I don't want to end up like how my mom feels. That would kill me on the inside. I have been in that position where I felt trapped and I wouldn't be able to do that for a living. I need to always be moving or else I might keel over. A desk job is probably the last thing I would EVER see myself doing. Unless it was something that I truly loved and required me at a desk occaisionally. But good god, I know I am meant to do something that involves the Theatre. I know that for a fact.
Hahahaha right now I'm fullfilling my night and talking to my best friend and her ABSOLUTELY cute friend in California. This is ridiculous. She can make my day so much better. Even by us not talking. It's fantabulous :)
Night has been made. <3
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