Mind melting.. Miss the sun... cant.. wait... for...summer.

Okay so let me get This off my chest. I CANNOT STAND when people Criticize the way that I think? Is that a stupid thing to be upset about? I just got "chewed out" by SOME CHICK who thinks she knows All about Musical theatre. It started with all the pleasantries and "hey you're so and so from this and that", "hi, yes that's me". Alright so she then tells me about a friend of mine that I had in mind for a musical a club I help head up is putting on. His name is Myles. The musical we are thinking of is RENT, which is a fantastic play might I add and requires deep character building I think. So Anyway.. This CHICK, then goes on to softly critcize my views on POSSIBLY viewing him as the role of Roger, who is a musician. Myles is in a band. Roger also has a particular attitude. Myles is a very laidback person with a funny disposition and a deep concentration and love for music. Roger also, yes, has a certain look IN THE MOVIE Might I Add. Myles is decently Rocker-esque. Yes. I UNDERSTAND all of that. So she goes ahead and says "Oh well you'd only be typecasting him as that role because he plays guitar and has that look." Oh jesus christ. How about you, Nameless Chick, Fuck off. I came back at her with "Well I personally like Myles' attitude in general and yes, he has that same sort of look, but I feel like he could Emotionally delve into the role. But again. This is in TWO YEARS." "But well you'd still be typecasting."

GOD! Bitch! I fucking hate people sometimes! It's like why do I have to explain myself to you? You know Nothing about the way I think and you're just being idiotic. I'm not having this conversation with you anymore. Fuck off. I mean Honestly! I've been in theatre since the 4th grade! I KNOW TYPECASTING. Sometimes you do it for effect, sometimes you don't need to and you find the perfect person in someone you would have never even thought of to begin with. So Back off me Bitch. What gives her the right to criticize the way I plan on doing my job? And it's not the fact that I don't take criticizm it's the fact that I don't like being talked Down to by someone who's Not Even In The Department. AND someone who's never even seen the show done LIVE. I mean come on. Who do you think you are Nameless Chick? Fuck off and mind your own goddamn business.

So other than that, the sun was here and now it's gone... It's about 5:20 pm and its Foggy out. UGH. I can't wait to just go and be able to sleep on my screen porch in the summer and just chill in the hot. Not to mention my brain is severely lacking that Final push towards the end of classes. I'm so unmotivated these days, all I wanna do is go and watch people on Duck pond field. Maybe play some frisbee. Talk to a cute guy maybe. Drink a smoothie and just hang out. I'm so tired of being cooped up in my dorm, I need to get out and re-evaluate my life, then pack all my shit up and move out. But hey at least I know that I will have someplace to stay next year! I'm so glad.. And maybe my roomate will be Caroline too! I'm excited. I'm so tired of living on an all girl floor, I'd personally rather live with all guys than all girls. If I'm in Justice next year I will be soooo glad.

Also I can't wait for next year, I have classes that actually somewhat interest me and a focus next year. Instead of my crazy-ass self running around doing god knows what, I'll Just be doing Theatre. I'm officially giving my body over to the department. This is something I've wanted to do since I started Theatre in high school. My Advanced Acting class was shit because people were lazy and didn't believe in working towards the goal. Here people are focused on their passion and are driven (kinda) to get things done. I'm just glad to be among people who are as passionate about it as I am. I guess that goes with doing professional theatre though because you Have to become obsessed with it to keep that same passion in doing something like this.

But right now I feel like slamming my head back againest this wall. I feel like this year needs to end Now, even though it's only still April. May needs to get it's ass over here ASAP. I'm tired of this waiting around shit. Right now, I feel like this knot in my stomach needs to get out and I need to take a deep breath... I've had so much on my mind lately, I haven't been sure what to do. I feel like I'm trying to do things for others and then I get accused of something and then I have to explain myself over and over again. Frankie for example, always accuses me of being whether it be me being "anti-social" or "mad/upset/sad" about something or "tired and needs sleep", but she always manages to take the content mood that I am in and sit on it. "No Frankie, I'm not mad or upset, sad or feeling anti-social. I was fine until you asked me. Now I'm just kind of annoyed. And I know that I annoy her too. I know that for a fact. I annoy Everyone. Or have pissed numerous people off without even meaning to. But with Frankie, I don't even know. Sometimes yes, I do just want to sleep because I don't get enough of it at night. Sometimes, I'm in a content mood and maybe that doesn't have "HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!!!!" written all over my face, because that was me in high school. I've definitely grown-up during my first year of college. I think everyone does. I mean yes, I'll still have my happy go lucky demeanor occaisonally but personally, I don't feel like being THAT person ALL the time. What if I Want to be that laid back person? What if I FEEL like being quiet and just observing? What if I just want to chill out? I don't need a fuckin smile on my face to do those things. I'm just tired. I'm just mentally exhausted from everything in life. Not just school work, but all the relationships I'm trying to keep up with, friend-wise; all of the shit that manages to surface in the mean time.

I wanna kiss someone again... I would love a boyfriend or someone of that nature at some point again. I would love someone who I could tell all this to, instead of writing it all out in this stupid online journal. So much shit online will catch up with us. I like verbal for a reason. But I miss the physical interaction of someone close. But I don't know, I want more of a friend that I can just cry with if I need to. Someone who would come over at a moment's notice if I told them that I needed them. Why is it that I put so much effort into a friendship just to get so little back? I guess I'm just a nice person? I don't even know anymore. My mind has officially melted... So peace out.