Well You done done and you bet I felt it...

(I just found this post that apparently I forgot to post

and It makes me laugh because even this one went bad...

but Oh well, its all said and done. No worries friends)

I.... Like someone. Or at least, I did. I thought he was sweet, caring (at least for someone I just met), cute, and different. I have known guys who would have maybe one of those qualities. Definitely NOT all of them. And What the Hell!? His brother (my best friend's boyfriend {I know it sounds bad}) says that "he's a jackass sometimes" or "well I know him better and You could do better..." I mean But What Happens when I ACTUALLY Like Him?? Again, I must restate: WHAT THE HELL.

Anyway, this Guy that I like, Lets call him N, seemed to like me (oh dear, I'm sounding like I'm back in junior high, ugh). I mean hey, we made out the 2nd time we met. When we had first met, as in "Hello, my name is..." and "Oh yes! And my name is..." "It's nice to meet you!" As in officially met, we flirted causally, and late on into the night, we held hands. Corny, Yes, I know. But when it's a guy you hardly know that isn't nesscarily someone who is (quote): "trying to get into my pants" (end quote), it's kind of endearing. It was a sweet gesture and I didn't think all that much about it.

The next week, I went to a party at a friend's house. N's brother and my bff were coming and I asked the friend having the party if N could come... He said "why not! ". Apparently when N was asked, he Jumped at the mention of me at the party. That of course made my day. :)

So the day goes on, everyone moved to the hottub and N and I sat next to eachother... He held my hand under the water, sneakily. (Again Very cute :)) Fast forward the afternoon and he had gone out kayaaking with someone from the party. When N came back he asked if I wanted to go... Of course I said yes. I Mean I'm Not Stupid :) . So we left... And kayakked out to the near by island, approximately... half a mile away? And so.. Two Hours Later, we get back and its almost dark. Now I won't tell you what went on out there on the lake, for you can use your imagination. Now that calls for a smiley :) But so we got back to the house, somehow made it outside to the hot tub yet again, and sort of cuddled, in a sense. At one point I started to hum my favorite song when he leaped up, turned to face and he looked at me and very seriously said "What Is That Song?!" I then started to sing the words until I got to the chorus and paused... "I'm yours..." He leaned in and told me, he's been looking for that song for the longest time.

I think he could be that someone Ive been looking for, for the longest time.

You're Wonderin' Now... What to Do... Now You Know this is the end...

 I hate being so susceptible to everything. I put myself, my mind, let alone my heart, out into the universe and expect too much in return. Truthfully, it annoys the crap outta me, but then again, I'm almost just okay with it. I've dealt so much SHIT in my day and stupid GUYS. I mean really how hard is it to say Hi or a hug? But thats just in my case I SUPPOSE. I mean, Unfortunately I dont bite. (Im reconsidering that for Some people, who Deserve it)

I'm sick of people asking whats wrong when they know Exactly what's wrong, they just need the reassurance that you won't murder you in your sleep. I promise, I won't do that. At the moment, I'm just Mad-Sad chels, and its not at you I promise.

You know what's Even sadder though? Alright I was on Facebook. I took the stupid quizzes they have on there. Yes, i already know that the kind of car i should be is a Subaru. Sweet, you made my name into an Acronym! Yay for you. So I took one of those this evening. Yeah I was bored. It was one of those horoscope ones and it basically gives you a run-down of yourself as based in Astrology. And I already know that I'm Cancer so whats the big deal? Well so I'm reading this Paragraph long statement about Cancers and how Sensitive we are. Alright, well I already knew that. I can be a Bit touchy about things, Sure, and who isnt? But so I keep reading... It goes on to tell me that Cancers have hard exteriors and try to hide their inner workings from outsiders. Alright.. keep reading... So then I get to: Cancers will often claim to be rational and unfeeling, but close family and friends will tell you they are highly sensitive, intuitive and often psychic. Cancers tend to suffer from mood swings that may seem downright "bi-polar" at times. So then I was like, Well Hell?! Who Here HASNT been a bit BI-POLAR sometimes.. I'm not saying that I am but hey, keeping things bottled up makes Em not such a fun girl. Damn horoscopes always seem to nail me.

But hey...Christ, I've had so much shit on my mind in the last 6 months than I've ever had in my long years. A lot of the time, it's thoughts about college or just money and the economy and life. Yeah, LIFE. Have YOU ever had a conversation in your head about LIFE where you lose to your rationality and you just feel like eating a thousand cookies, watching Nights at Rodanthe and just SOBBING your eyes out because then you don't have to think about whatever it is thats on your mind? Hey, i mean, it's true, Im sure we've all been there.

Right now that sounds good. Because one of the worst emotions to be feeling is Nothing. It's a combination of carelessness, broken heart syndrome, couldn't-give-a-crap disease, boredom, insomnia (the main reason I created this BY THE WAY), and just the basic I am Sick and tired of waiting for you sort of thing. Yes, this is what I am feeling right now as I listen to the twangy cheerful yet sort of laid-back guitar of the Specials playing Your'e Wondering Now... I love this song and it really describes how Im feeling. Listen to it. Go with that feeling and come with me to Jamaica so we can escape this life here in this bass-ackward Un-neo Suburbia.

And attributed to my insomnia... it's now 12:53 am. Ive Got to get over this.