I just need to sit back and wait for the daylight....

Thanks Matt and Kim :)
"Daylight"

So this is gonna be a quickie, because I still have homework to do and I really want to continue painting. Honestly, I'm probably done for the night on that but like I said, still got homework to do.
So today's been interesting. I'm learning a lot about myself I suppose and about myself around certain people I guess. I was in the box office today and then in the costume shop.. I only felt the need to work a couple hours. I ended up not going to my art class today and I felt really bad about it but I just couldn't make myself go even though I did my project and everything. I discovered how much I actually miss painting. I feel like I used to all the time and now I just don't.
I want to set a goal for myself and paint something once a week. Or every two weeks finish something. It's just frustrating because in our art class, we have done Almost nothing. I can't wait to paint and sing and I need the weather to get a little bit warmer and I will be completely happy painting outside maybe :) Or at least drawing outside.

And I had dinner with Jordan tonight... I can't believe I've never hung out with him outside of like..my room. Or The Office... it's almost kinda weird.
I don't know. I think I'm just having a off day. I just wanted to hang out with Jordan and lay on the mall maybe and be happy in the sun. But he has the most classes then when I don't have like Any. I felt bad, but it just sort of threw me off. I hadn't seen him since like last week and he was in Raleigh all weekend. I can't blame him for that though. He does what he loves. I just need an outlet or something. I can't focus all my time on Jordan, because I don't want to seem clingy. I'm not especially, I just tend to focus on one thing and then get carried away...oh wait that sounds clingy. Awesome.
I need to get out of this city. Something needs to be different for awhile. Something needs to be experienced and just overall changed.

So after Shane's brother Cameron joked around that I was Shane's girlfriend, I basically revealed to Shane that I Had a boyfriend.
....He didn't say anything. He just walked away and didn't say a word.
I mean I don't now what to say. I knew he was giving some sort of signal when he hugged me after Cameron was joking around, because his hug lingered for a second. Not to mention it was really randomly given. But still I had to make sure he knew. But walking away without saying anything.. IF he had wanted to date me, he had PLENTY of time. Boy never made an assuring advance or vocally said ANYTHING. But whatever. I can't be upset about it because I have a sweet boy right now. :)

At least, I honestly hope that him and I last... At least for a while. But like Actually last ya know? I'm really in the want for a real relationship. We don't have to be attached at the hip, I just don't want to pretend to ignore him because I'm afraid that he'll think it's annoying, me texting and messaging him all the time. I don't really know what to do about any of this. Just focus on myself? Just not worry about anything except myself? I can't physically do that.
Besides the fact that I want to care about him... I do. And I'm just afraid he'll think I'm being overbearing.
Hell I have no idea how to even be in a real relationship...
I need some serious advice.
Who's willing?

I've just seen a face...

*SIGH* It's been an interesting week already... And today's Thursday.
The song that's been playing in my head is "I've Just Seen A Face" specifically from Across the Universe.
I love this song and I love singing along and harmonizing and it's just a fantastic song.
Almost makes me want to bowl... ;)

Like I said earlier, this week has been kind of intense. A couple of heart-to-hearts, a heart's reveal, and a broken heart on it's way to being repaired.

Right now I can't help but smile and try to harmonize with this song as it plays from my computer :)

Heart to hearts are interesting. I love having them with people because it allows me to learn a lot about them, not just through words but through the way they say the words or react to what they're saying or listening to or they're body language. I guess I'm a fan of people watching... But what's funny is when you are suddenly on the opposite side of the conversation than what you're used to. I had a long and involved conversation with a friend of mine and he learned things about me and sort of revealed things to me. And apparently according to him, the new interest in my life :) is exactly what I needed. His words entirely. But I don't know, I think I have to agree.

Now I'm listening to "All My Loving" also by the Beatles. It makes me think of him which is funny. He's managed to integrate himself into my mind all the time, it seems.
And I kinda love it :)


So on a whinier note, this week has been dotted with crap and just not-great events. But I'm taking the words of someone close and when I was prepared to rant and cry and feel overall bad about it and myself all he said was:
"Is that it? Oh. Well then that wasn't your path. And that's okay..."
Seriously that was exactly what someone like me needed to hear. After being upset over something so small, it didn't matter.
I'm beginning to think there's a reason why he's in my life. And I am so thankful for that.
And for always putting a smile on my face :)

Oooohhh St Valentine, How's it goin'?

Romantics is to Valentines day as little kids is to Christmas Eve.

I personally love Valentines day just to see amount of love exchanged between loved ones and friends.
My roommate just recieved a bouquet of roses from her boyfriend who lives in Maine. I love that she's in love :) It makes me happy.

But honestly, I'm kind of sad. Last year, I had a boyfriend and treated me to a great Valentines day for the first time.
I've decided I'm treating Valentine's day as it should be. A Monday. As it is. It's just a day and I expect nothing :)
But I do enjoy seeing all of the lovey dovey things people do for eachother. I don't know it'll be an interesting day...

To all the couples, singles, confused people out there:

The love between people- whether it be lovers or friends or family, is still beautiful. So go on, Go show someone you care :) Doesn't matter who or in what way, just matters that you do :) ♥

You are just kinda Nifty. Maybe A Lot.

How is it that I seem to be just as busy as last year?
I know I'm just as or even more exhausted than last semester. I need to quit putting myself into this cycle. I really need a mini vacation, sleep and possibly a swim break.
Who's up for a camping trip maybe?

*YAAAAAAAWWWWWWWNNN*
Good lord. I'm exhausted. My days are seriously non-stop since I jumped back into working.. Now I'm at I think 8 hours a week (at least) in the box office, not to mention 8 hours in costume shop supposedly. But who even knows...

OOOHHH!!! But I do have FANTASTIC news. I painted and did the photography for one of our shows' poster this semester. My name's on it and it's copyrighted by myself and EVERYTHING. SO EXCITED.

BUT I also sort of realized that the pictures I took, of a few of shows' rehearsal process for a couple newspapers are being PUBLISHED. WHAT. IS. THIS.
I didn't really think about it until I realized it. Neither are technically paying but hey, it lead me to my next job (also not paying but who cares!) which is going to be a "Photo Call" for the play festival the department is putting on. It's pretty snazzy in my eyes really.
Is this a career that I could POSSIBLY consider? Oh DAMN. It might. I love that thought, not to mention it's so exciting in my eyes.

So as I TRY to maybe wrap this up :P I need a shower.. like now.
BUT let's see:
~I've been unmotivated lately to do my chores :P Lame.
~That boy that I always end up mentioning, he should know, should he read this, that "Let's Stay Together" by Al Green is OFFICIALLY stuck in my head, makes me think of him every time and it never fails to put a smile on my face. Hey btw, let's stay together ;)
~I'm getting into my art class even if my teacher is secretly a Dalek and wants to exterminate me.
~Finding giftcards (FROM TARGET AND ITUNES) WITH MONEY on them makes my entire day. No. Joke.
~Hot chocolate makes me happy along with other things (hey Mr JO yeah you too you know)
~I've forgotten how much I love walks in the snow when it's gently falling, as it is now.
~Everyone should have a tin lunchbox with some sort of geeky amazing-ness on it. Case in point: I have a tin Wonder Woman lunchbox for art supplies and a Star Wars Episode IV lunchbox that always puts a smile on peoples faces, that I use for lunch everyday. :)
~Rebekah's CD has become one of the MOST played playlists on my computer.
~Valentine's day is coming up... :/ oh dear.

BUT. That's enough of an update. Besides that, nothing very exciting besides work and eh, even I'M not going to bore you with that. Ugh.
Well anyways goodnight from this insomniac to you :)

Traveling Mind, Steady Soul

I've decided I want to go to Boston.

I also want to go to New Orleans and Nashville again and New York and Miami and San Francisco. I really just want to go on a music excursion all over...

I think that Boston would be such an amazing trip.
There's so much out there to see and I just need to get out there, as I type this in the Chapel Wilson computer lab. The white walls are making me kind of sad.

Anyone want to go? I mean let's just go. Forget about work and school, let's just pick up and drive.

But honestly I can't be sad...
At least right now, I'm happy with friends and someone :) He's sweet and makes me smile.
You can't ask for anything greater :)

If this is a Turning point then... Good.

Certain things have been made apparent to me.

I was at a retreat for a group that I'm in and while everyone was being emotional, I managed to ...well also be equally emotional but I figured some things out. This semester has been shit already. I admit that. But see so many great things have come out of it. Including finding someone who I seriously consider a best friend already, someone who I can't wait to possibly have a future with, and a life outside of the thing I thought I loved most.
Yes, I am a Theatre major. BUT, it doesn't own me anymore.
I still love it, but I am not stressing about it anymore.
THANK GOD, too because I was slowly killing myself with the stress, mentally and physically.
It was funny because I used to love art and I drew all the time and READ, ahhh I missed reading. And now I'm doing both and I feel fantastic.

There's something scratching at my heels though... and I think it's cabin fever.
I suppose I'm probably at that age where I just want to learn everything and see the world and experience cultures and so on. I want to SO Badly too. I just want to go out on my own with whatever money I have and just see.
But my logical/reasoning part of my brain wakes up and goes "YOU have Obligations MADAM, you can do that LATER."

*sigh*

I was close. I AM close.
But I will one day get out there and see everything. That's my goal before I die.


So about this boy... :)
He makes me smile. And I know I've talked about him before, but I don't know. He intrigues me. His smile makes me happy and for right now, that's just perfect.
I would love to be that person that makes him happy and that person that he can turn to and just hug for as long as he needs.
I feel this intense need to go somewhere with him.. Like I just want to go and see things with him. He does that to me :)
And you know, in a previous post I said that I wanted to know what he was thinking...
Honestly, I'm kind of loving the fact that I don't know everything he's wondering about. It's really interesting because I've never been like this with anyone else.
I've never met anyone like him either.

So life's getting complicated but not in a bad way. I'm taking everything one step at a time as everyone has told me before.
Go with the flow...
Because going against the current isn't an option...

And I read some of the best advice, and he didn't even know what the circumstances were...
"Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and think of what could go right."
Best advice I've ever gotten, must say.

Well I'm for sure hoping for some amazing times :)