I just need to sit back and wait for the daylight....

Thanks Matt and Kim :)
"Daylight"

So this is gonna be a quickie, because I still have homework to do and I really want to continue painting. Honestly, I'm probably done for the night on that but like I said, still got homework to do.
So today's been interesting. I'm learning a lot about myself I suppose and about myself around certain people I guess. I was in the box office today and then in the costume shop.. I only felt the need to work a couple hours. I ended up not going to my art class today and I felt really bad about it but I just couldn't make myself go even though I did my project and everything. I discovered how much I actually miss painting. I feel like I used to all the time and now I just don't.
I want to set a goal for myself and paint something once a week. Or every two weeks finish something. It's just frustrating because in our art class, we have done Almost nothing. I can't wait to paint and sing and I need the weather to get a little bit warmer and I will be completely happy painting outside maybe :) Or at least drawing outside.

And I had dinner with Jordan tonight... I can't believe I've never hung out with him outside of like..my room. Or The Office... it's almost kinda weird.
I don't know. I think I'm just having a off day. I just wanted to hang out with Jordan and lay on the mall maybe and be happy in the sun. But he has the most classes then when I don't have like Any. I felt bad, but it just sort of threw me off. I hadn't seen him since like last week and he was in Raleigh all weekend. I can't blame him for that though. He does what he loves. I just need an outlet or something. I can't focus all my time on Jordan, because I don't want to seem clingy. I'm not especially, I just tend to focus on one thing and then get carried away...oh wait that sounds clingy. Awesome.
I need to get out of this city. Something needs to be different for awhile. Something needs to be experienced and just overall changed.

So after Shane's brother Cameron joked around that I was Shane's girlfriend, I basically revealed to Shane that I Had a boyfriend.
....He didn't say anything. He just walked away and didn't say a word.
I mean I don't now what to say. I knew he was giving some sort of signal when he hugged me after Cameron was joking around, because his hug lingered for a second. Not to mention it was really randomly given. But still I had to make sure he knew. But walking away without saying anything.. IF he had wanted to date me, he had PLENTY of time. Boy never made an assuring advance or vocally said ANYTHING. But whatever. I can't be upset about it because I have a sweet boy right now. :)

At least, I honestly hope that him and I last... At least for a while. But like Actually last ya know? I'm really in the want for a real relationship. We don't have to be attached at the hip, I just don't want to pretend to ignore him because I'm afraid that he'll think it's annoying, me texting and messaging him all the time. I don't really know what to do about any of this. Just focus on myself? Just not worry about anything except myself? I can't physically do that.
Besides the fact that I want to care about him... I do. And I'm just afraid he'll think I'm being overbearing.
Hell I have no idea how to even be in a real relationship...
I need some serious advice.
Who's willing?