My drawing teacher made me feel so transparent today.
He kept talking about being "present" in your work. And then it hit me:
I haven't been present in over a year. I haven't had any sort of passion since Mom died. And realizing all that makes me so sad that I can't hardly stand it. I want to cry but can't.
I want to be passionate, I want to be great at things but I can't get past myself. My last projects have suffered greatly because of this.
Maybe I need to get laid, or be loved. Maybe I need to take Anti-Depressants. Maybe I need to get out of this country.
I just want to be able to feel and imagine and create again. So far the only things I've become passionate about are my tattoos. But I didn't create them, Rich from Speakeasy did.
I have a huge set of projects ahead of me for The Madwomen of Chaillot, making hats and props and makeup ideas and a lot of things. But I can't seem to get inspired and I've been having this problem for a long time.
I'm so tired of this that I'm willing to resort to anything.
