Life is too fucking short.

Today's been a weird day.

I drove back from moving Emily into Wilmington today.
I harrassed Justin to come over (surprise surprise).
I ate a sandwich and worried about money.
I found out my friend Paige died last night.
I realized it's been almost a year (23 days until) since Mom died.

I don't.. Words are hard right now, it's 4:24 in the morning and I can't sleep. I thank my absolute lucky stars that I'm safe, healthy and loved right now.
You begin to realize how precious life truly is when someone you know (even if they weren't that close to you) passes away.
I texted Justin just to tell him how blessed I was to have him in my life.
I don't know who put him there, but all I know is that he isn't leaving and I promise to be with and around that boy until the day I die.
The amount of love I've gotten from the people who care about me and the family and friends that I've accumulated over the past few years is amazing. I wouldn't have ever even thought close to all this.

Sometimes life gets put into perspective for you. And then you begin to realize that even words can't describe. No amount of faith in whatever form you choose, can force you to see just how blessed and absolutely lucky someone like myself truly is.
I think I've been spoiled for most of my life. Nothing has been a tremendous hardship (except for Mom of course) but everything is livable.
Humans and the human psyche are incredible things.


Well Mom, would you look out for Paige Kriegel- she's a really sweet girl and is new up there.
Love to the both of you from the absolute bottom of my heart.
My thoughts go out to Paige's family and also to all of my family that struggles with hardships and issues of any nature. My thoughts and love go out to everyone- I just want everyone to know that they can live through those hardships and trials.
Especially if you believe in yourself.

And final parting words before I pass out- hold onto your family and friends, whoever those are that you surround yourself with, hard. Hold them hard and long, keep them close.

A Milestone Finally Fucking Achieved!

Hey everybody- I've been sort of taking stock of my life in my time here at home and whilst celebrating my epicness of a birthday (21 BITCHES!), I've begun to realize a few things...
I've lived through a HELL of a lot.
I'm happy (at least in this moment in time) and absolutely content with a lot that's gone on in life.

Let's see... What all have I even done?
I...
-Moved 3000 miles away from all my friends and family
-Dealt with a hell of a childhood growing up as the weird fat girl
-Lived through my parents' nasty divorce 
-Got diagnosed with a life long health issue that I'll never be able to change
-Graduated High school with a 4.0
-Took the leap and got accepted into a great university
-Loved and lost and loved again
-Discovered alcohol/drugs/nicotine and honestly they really aren't for me
-Found my calling in costuming and Theatre (and a job in it too)
-Lost my Mom, who was my best friend and confidante to cancer
-Got a painful tattoo in her honor
-Went to New York for New Years
-Went to Chicago and found a faith... in something, in people
-Traveled so many places in Europe, some even by myself
-Didn't die on my 21st birthday, even if I wanted to...
-Lived on my own since I was 18
-Am living through my Aunt and Uncle's crazy separating/divorce
-Found friends that will actually be with me for the rest of my life


A lot of it isn't fancy but you know what, I've done so much in my life already and I've got probably another 60+ years left.
No I don't have a baby.. or two. No, I'm not married to someone I dated in freshman year of high school. Yes, I'm incredibly lucky to have done everything I did. Yes, I did try hard to get where I am. No I'm not stuck in my life and I honestly never plan on taking depression pills because I know that my life is going to be what I make of it. I will make it incredible. I can feel it.

I almost get energized when I see someone from high school who was married at 17, has two kids and hasn't seemed to move out of their parents house yet.
I can't even imagine how depressed they must be, when they realize that there's so little that they can do now that they have had to grow up and be parents or when they are with the first person they laid eyes on that called them "pretty". I can't settle. Maybe I'll always be reaching but I feel like there's so much out there that hasn't been done or see or been accomplished. Some day I'll be out there making headlines that the people I went to highschool with will watch and be jealous of.
Who did they think I was? Just some stupid girl who would make the wrong decisions?
HAH no. I will be the one that they remember, the one that they see and go "oh wait, Honey! We went to high school with her! Oh wow, so she's doing.... that! Well that's very cool!"
I can't wait to be that person.
I can't wait to wow people. I promise you that's what I'll be doing.

Not to mention I don't plan on growing up yet. Growing up has never really been on the agenda....

So I guess here goes!