I think it's about time for an update.
Hi everyone :)
I hope you're doing well this holiday season, and that it's filled with loving friends, family and the holiday spirit.
I've been doing... okay. And as I say that, I honestly have been okay.
This semester has been rough. It's the hardest I've ever faced and that's including friends, classes, social-lite-being, work(like activities), love and just life I guess.
This Christmas I can already tell you is going to be so hard but I just have to keep reminding myself of the good things that I still have.
I have my Aunt and my cousin, who despite their struggles with an impending divorce case, have continuously thrown me love and hugs and laughs to make sure that I'm still doing okay.
I have my grandparents, who I know are hurting so much but we can still laugh about the little things.
I have my roommate who can make me giggle incessantly.
I have my health and nothing is broken.
I have a job and school is taken care of.
I have friends that I'd die for and I feel like some would do the same.
I mean I've got so much to be so thankful and grateful for.
And I swear I don't know what it is about this season, but people are beginning to pair up left and right! You'd swear the Ark was coming.
But seriously, I'm so glad for my friends who Have paired up with someone! Because the 4 people in question all deserve each other and I'm so happy for all of them.
I think I'm getting kind of anxious though. I have to admit it. I'm terrified I won't make it through this break. I know I will physically, but emotionally I know I probably won't. I have no one to divert my attentions. I'll have to jump headfirst into this whole "being by myself" thing and I don't like this feeling. I want someone to dote on and someone who can divert my attentions from the sheer reality I have yet to face.
That of which, is that I'm alone.. My best friend has gone to where I cannot reach her and the bitter truth is that I miss her so much and some of that love I have for her is floating around with no where to go.
Maybe I shouldn't be with anyone. Maybe that's a bad idea and I'll just scare away another potential one. I would love for someone to look at me just to say "I'm proud of you" but I can only think of one person who's openly done that.
I'm just so tired of being so much by myself. It's very frustrating.
I see my friends who have many of the same feelings I have towards love and then they find it and are so remarkably happy, I have no choice but to hug them and shout because I'm so happy for them too.
It's just these little pitfalls that strike me a bit harder now I guess.
Sadly, I feel as though the people that I view romantically don't see the person I'm trying to be. Rather they settle for the appearance of what I am and then they give up on that.
The person I try to show them is the one who loves to give presents for no reason, would watch you and attempt to play video games for hours if it meant spending time with you, wants to go on walks in the snow so that I can figure out exactly what you're thoughts on Egyptian and Greek gods are, someone who would love to go to the parkway with a hot chocolate if it meant being closer to you, who would love to talk about music and fight about which Beatles/Ramones/Beck/Maroon 5 anything album was better for hours until we're both fighting to stay awake, I'm that person who picks a random movie we've both seen just to give it commentary, someone who loves love and is always in the mood for kissing, and I'm just that type of person who falls completely in love with the other person and would rather we best friends than anything.
But no one can tell any of that.
Can it just be April already?
