There's been thinking going on today. I don't know why, but there has been.
I had a crazy conversation with my best friend. She knows me best and managed to stop making me say "well about this whole thing... I don't know..." She got me to face little things that turned into a Huge thing. Something I hadn't been able to admit to myself.
But she helped me realize the stupid trust barriers that I've placed around myself. I don't know why they're there but they are. And she and I figured that the only thing for me to get them to come down is proof. Proof that a person would be there for you or proof that they do actually care about you or proof that they are there to catch you if you fall. That's all that I would need. I don't have Any expectations. Just a want of proof. But I never end up getting it. I told her that that is probably the number one reason why I haven't had or rather wanted a relationship. I'm almost scared that I'll hurt the person in question.
But I want to trust them. My brain just needs that proof I guess, so that my heart can continue. GOOD LORD. UGH. This takes a toll on me.
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