Snow days are interesting.
No one ever seems to be interested in doing something unless it's with other people doing nothing As well.
Right now, as my friend Nick put it, "it's snowing up... WAIT... no, it's snowing sideways, aw shit, it's going UP again..." That's how our day went. TOO much laughing and Japanese food, and movies and Legos and friends. We were just ourselves today. And it was so nice just to be able to say "oh come on, LET'S SNUGGLE." to someone you met three days ago yet feel like you've know your entire life.
Her name is Cat and her ears are gauged and she likes wearing tye-dye.
I think I'm in friend-love :)
But honestly, I just sort of felt like writing tonight... Kelsey's asleep on my floor while I'm catching up with an old friend back in Mo-town. It's days like these that make my life as awesome as it's become.
BUT, there's a demon scratching at my ankles (well actually my left ankle since my anklets are no longer there :( ) I'm very anxious to hear about the auditions. I want to know whether or not I got a callback to one of them. I feel like there is Sooo much talent that went on that Tuesday night that honestly I don't even gotts a chance. I want this so badly though. I honestly do.
But I guess this could reveal some things for me... It could reveal whether or not I should be a Design/tech major or whether I should pursue acting, something I've done for SO long, I can hardly remember when I started. I only know that I die to be onstage.
So I think I've sort of fallen for a boy.
But the problem is, he basically has no idea. I don't feel like breaking this one, like how I've done with just about any other person I try to get close with.
I have no idea how it would even work, the two of us, just because him and I are completely different. But I just wish I could tell him how I felt about him. This is ridiculous too, because I always do this to myself and fall for someone, wait around for them until they begin to get it and then I stop. All of the feelings stop and I go back on everything I said/felt/thought and try to erase it. I don't have a clue as to why but it happens. My brain kicks in and suddenly, I'm on my ass, by myself again.
I would LOVE for this cycle to stop, kthankx.
Hmmm... Otherwise, I think life's going well for me. Richard and I are planning a roadtrip for hopefully May to go across the country together. Kinda terrified, kinda excited. I NEED a trip like this. I need to go out and explore the world and not have Anything hold me back. I would love to go to Europe and backpack at some point, but right now the USA is closer and hasn't revealed it's entirety to me yet.
But this trip is honestly one of the most important things I am going to try and do. I need to make Shum money first. :) BUT I have a plan and hopefully, it will end up working itself out in the end.
I tend to be lucky that way.
But for now, I may or may not go to bed (I kinda want to stay up til 6 and see whether or not all classes will be cancelled tomorrow, even if I don't have any classes tomorrow anyways!)
*sigh*
You know actually there is one thing on my mind... And I doubt he'll read this, but there's a person who I want to apologize to. He is still close to my heart but I wanted to say I'm sorry for what happened, and everything that got blown out of proportion, and everything that I said afterwards to myself, to make myself feel better. I don't know, honestly, what I'd say to you now if you walked in my door. Probably "what the HELL are you doing here right now? and HOW did you find my room??" considering it's past 4am.
But see, when I see you walking past me on the sidewalk, I ALWAYS wonder why I did what I did. And if we'd ever be friends again...
Because you WERE a genuinely nice guy, and you DID want to help Everyone, and you were probably the sweetest guy I knew... But then once what happened happened, I have no idea... I'm just...sorry.
I really am. And after thinking about it for... wow it's been almost a year? JESUS. After thinking about it for...this long, I can't help to think what if.
But then I get worried because I know things would be different. I know you and I have changed Completely and gahhhh! It's hard to except that. I miss those snowy nights with you and I miss holding hands and I miss just...being with you I guess. I don't really know what this is, but seeing my friend/your old roommate, hearing what happened, and feeling the weirdness of them saying your name in front of me, was just weird.
I would love just to talk to you a last time. Maybe?
*sigh*
Wooowwww... Wasn't really expecting that to flood out. But he knows who he is, if he Ever reads that. Doubtful but it's whatever.
Someone once told me that "being negative will turn one forever into someone who you do not wish to be..."
I need to quit being negative and jump up with the enthusiasm I used to have.
Who's with me? :)
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