Not so Usual....

Alright. Life Recap:

I'm getting over being so sad. Life will and has gone on. :)
and wow.. Tonight has for sure been interesting.

People are happy around me :) which I'm happy for them! Of course!

But god, I just had a conversation with Erin (and mom sorta).. It's wierd. I feel like I'm falling behind...
But I guess some people aren't cut out for long term relationships. Don't give me that bullshit of "you're just waiting for Mr Right". I really can't stand it when people tell me that.

I'm going to be fine. I'll settle eventually. And I'm not being pessimistic, I'm being a realist. Because eventually you end up settling for someone. Or that person moves on and goes on with their lives without you.
I'm scared of being one of those people. I'm scared I'll turn into my dad. And I don't want to do that. OR I'm scared that the person I fall madly in love with, will do what he did. I don't want to be hurt. It's more of that I'm scared to since I haven't really ever had that. Honestly I no longer count Austin because he and I had a great 4 months but... I don't know. I look back at it and it was so full of mistakes. So many things I did wrong. I always wonder what it might be like if he and I were still together but then I think, how? How would we still be together if I had been lying to myself? I don't know. It's a funny situation.
I would love to be pursued though. It's tough watching so many of my friends getting married and being in love and etc. I want that. I want to be in love with a best friend.

But everyone knows that's just a fairytale. That hardly ever happens. Because there will always be issues, people will always get on my nerves, my "better half" will get sick of it, not see the point of continuing and leave. Everyone always leaves.

Good Lord that's morbid. But at the moment, there's not a lot for me to look up to.

Tonight was interesting though... I listened to my friend Andrew Black about his crazy love life. He's in love with a girl who for some reason cannot love him back. I don't know why... considering he's attractive, funny, WAY too goofy for his own good, and has a Huge romantic heart. The poor boy is unfortunately head over heels and has no way of getting out of it.


So I'm sitting here thinking, "Hmm what if Andrew and I went out? We have a lot in common!" but it's got nothing to do with that anyway. It's all about the attraction.
Him and I could be absolutely great friends though. I need to quit being desparate and focus on me. Projects, writing, auditioning, working out (SO I CAN FIT IN MY DRESS!!! PLEASE!!), hanging out with friends and not ever searching for a Beau.


I'm prepared to go back to "best friend" status.
Here goes...