Life = Priceless

Wow today was ....interesting.

Today I was home. Like I have been. Doing... well.. basically nothing. Around 2pm, decided to clean the kitchen. Mom came home at 2:30pm. Finished dishes and broke into a meltdown at 2:45pm. Decided to tell Mom everything that I had been keeping from her about my life at college at 3:05pm.

So teenagers have this magnificent willpower to not tell their parents certain things about their lives such as their sex life, drugs they've done, friends, etc because they would rather deal with it themselves. Well that's all dandy for them but living with MY Mom and her and I being as Close as we are, you have Absolutely no idea how hard it is to not tell her certain things. She is, dare I say, my best friend. She's been there when I HAD no friends. She and I have been through everything. So I think that I was depressing myself and unwilling myself because I had Quite a few things on my mind.

So I sat down.. And decided to tell her that I wasn't a virgin anymore. Which I had been withholding because for some strange reason I was afraid she'd get upset. So now, after the last time I had "done it", I had been overthinking things (the way that I do) and yes, I'm going to be completely honest, I wasn't sure if I was pregnant or not. I Didn't WANT to be... I was ABSOLUTELY terrified that I could very well be. And I told my Momma. She then proceeded to... surprise me. She was absolutely calm, made a couple of jokes as my head spun and when I was done venting about my escapades at college, she calmly reminded me of when my doctor's appointment she had scheduled for the next day was at, and then said "Well then. I'm going to head to the store.. Wander around a bit... Oh right I need Seltzer water... aaaand... Oh I'll see something I know we need. Just so it doesn't look conspicuous." A smile came across her face, as my eyebrows came together in the look of absolute confusion on my face. "...Your getting me a pregnancy test?" I had figured. She came back with "Well we need to check now, and if you're pregnant, then we are figuring this out. Now I'll be right back."

That is one of the reasons why I love my crazy-ass Mom as much as I do. She didn't get upset at my stupidness, she just decided to nip it in the butt. And Oh, by the way? It was negative. Thank God.

But so last night, I talked to my best friend for gahhhh, probably like what, Erin? 2 hours? 3? I can't even remember and it was last night :)
I was having a mini panic attack and needed someone to listen, but not try and just spout off advice, I needed someone who wasn't going to inform me of their relationship and how great or on the rocks it was. I just needed someone to listen to my babbling and make polite sense of why my head is spinning around the thoughts it was. So I talked to Erin. She and I are basically two halves of the same person born literally a year and 4 days apart. She and I are pretty sure we belong together and we shall grow old together. No doubt about it.
Anyway, I had been sad. You have days like that, where you talk to someone and they've Just gotten into a relationship and Yay, you're happy for them but honestly couldn't give a shit. Or then someone you're talking to casually brings up their problems and 'Ohhh I just don't know if I can go on, I can't believe he broke up with me, I want to die' sort of shit. It's like Seriously? I just want to have a normal conversation without you bringing up YOUR personal life and how about I won't bring up mine? No I don't feel like giving you advice right now, because OBVIOUSLY you can't tell that I'm having a panic attack right now, and if you could PLEASE leave a message after the beep....

Beeeeeeeeeeeep.........

This had been my routine for the last month or so.
I think that my mind is somewhat clearer now, I think I'll be better. I have a few things to work on so hopefully, those will hold my interest. I still have yet to unpack from college... I almost Don't want to unpack and I don't have a clue as to why. Also, I'm going to be working on getting my license FINALLY (don't laugh :P) and I'm going to try and get more active. I think that re-prioritizing my life helps.

So also, the California trip is starting to materialize before my eyes. Mom booked us a house for 3 nights 4(?) days in Rio del Mar so we have a place to sleep!! Yayy!! And we have our plane tickets, and I can't wait to see everyone...
My goals before my flight out is:
-to have my license
-be as absolutely tan and beautiful as possible
-IF POSSIBLE: have a boyfriend or a ..fling :D haha
-Be unpacked from college but ready to go back in a moments notice

It's not a long list but it's absolutely doable.
This is Me baby, and I've come out from under that damn cloud. I'm searchin' for my sunshine :)