THIS is the life of a college student home from school, who can't sleep (it's 4:10am) and is absolutely exhausted.
So I need to get out of my house. I need something to do. Hah, I bet you remember me near the beginning of the year when I was (now a phrase coined from my best friend Erin) "fuckin' out" I was out of my fucking mind with so much to do. Since then, I'm bored like hell, a few of my friends here are flakes and it gets old. You can't be a flake unless you're busy in college. It just doesn't happen. I am so bored right now and I'm trying to make the best of it.
I did things today! I slept in til noon (check). I ate an obscene amount of cereal (check check). I helped my mom with her new planter bed in the late afternoon sun (check check check-check).
I briefly swam in a pool! (CHECKEROO!). And then? Nothing. Ate food and watched TV like I've "missed" for so long. Well TV can go fuck itself if you ask me. I'm so done with being home. I want to go camping. I want to go to the beach! I want to at least go on the lake! I mean for real. This is ridiculous. THAT is why I opted for coming home from school at the latest possible time and date. I didn't want to leave. I honestly like having that much freedom and free range and responsiblities and exercize if you ask me. Being home, I can hardly bring myself to unpack my stuff from school. It's taken me a month just to unpack my clothes. My shoes are still in their box. It's just getting to me.
I've talked to a few friends who actually feel the same way but remember that non-motivation right before finals? Well I have that for everything nowadays. I feel almost like it's punishing me in a way. I want to care but don't. I need to care but can't. Not really sure what my motivation for all of this is. I just can't wait to get back to school. I need school. I need my drive back. I need my freedom back. Maybe if I actually get my liscense this summer, I can regain some of my freedom and independance back. Beside of the fact that no one seems to realize my petrifying experiences driving cars, which left me absolutely terrified of them. It's pathetic I realize but it's true. Just thinking about driving down the interstate makes my heart beat rapidly. I don't know. It's just not an enjoyable experience for me.
So I talked to a friend of mine last night who just got me worked up about being home. It really is sad. All day today I've been like, "Let's go camping" or "Andrew, as soon as you get back you and I are going on one of the little islands and camping!" and I have decided that I want a kayak for my birthday! I actually love kayaking and I think it's alot of fun but I, to be completely honest, don't have any of the funds to even be close. OR a camera lens. See, I really wanted a Telephoto lens from my dad for my Nikon camera but got Reef flipflops instead. It's really okay, I mean, I wear those sandals everyday but I would've loved to see him pull through for once.
But ladies and gentlemen, I must leave you now since my eyes are beginning to decieve me and shut without alerting me first.
So I bid you Adieu.. and bon soir et j'aime tout le vous, mes amies! :)
<3
No comments:
Post a Comment