I...I..... I don't even know.

Since when did I become the Momma Duck? Since when am I supposed to be that person people walk over to, lean their forehead on your shoulder and spit out the slurr, "hiya Emm! Guesss What. I'm Drunk!" With a big ol' smile on their face and bloodshot eyes. I don't really get it as to why I have to be that person who cares sooo much to have to tell them that "Honey, if you don't Slow Your Ass Down, you will end up Killing Someone." In all seriousness.

I had a chat with a really close friend today who I've known for a long time and she laughed and told me just How Hammered she got Wednesday night. "Hahaha But No! It was so much fun, and hahaha like Oh my god, I think I fell a couple of times hahaha I musta looked preeetty funny! And like I don't remember how I got back to my bed in my dorm, but Good Thing right?"....I hate having to be the mother. I Always have to play the fucking mother. I told this friend of mine that she Really needs to be a little more careful nowadays, because no one is there to make sure She ISN'T raped... Or kidnapped. Or whatever. And I realize that I sound Completely neurotic right now and paranoid and Parent-y, but you want to know something? I feel like my friends and I should at least Make it to Graduation. Plus, I know that they aren't my responsibility, but when They get mad at me for not being able to do anything at 4 o'clock in the morning, Fuck that. You can sleep in the God-damn street for all I care. But then, I'll get into that conversation with someone else and it's all just a fail.

I Don't Want To Be The Mother Any Fucking More. I am SICK and TIRED of looking after EVERYONE ELSE. Because that's all I do. And I make sure people are happy. But What about me??? Even that one person who Claimed I was to be the most important person in his life, can't seem to step up At All. Except for apparent Random acts of Kindness. But I need someone to rest my head on. I want someone to look out for me, and actually care. And not feel like "oh well, I'm her friend, I Have to" I wish someone would want to. But to hell with that. I apparently am too fucking scary and Larger than life to even get close to. All of my Normal friends then say that I'm not and "just wait, he'll come". Heh. Yep, he came and he went. Fuck this. Happiness for a week and Poof, its gone because he has issues. Well to Hell with that! I have issues too. And as I'm working on Everyone elses, I'll put mine here and let the random strangers who land on this page take a crack at it. So yes, I have issues. I come with baggage that I didn't even know I had. I seriously want to just smack my head up againest a wall right now. I mean I don't understand as to WHY I have Yet to have even One successfull relationship. I have So many friends and So many people who know me but I feel more alone than ever. And yeah, I'm sad. But I shouldn't be, says the majority of my friends. I have "so much going for you, you have NO IDEA"... yeah SURE.

Gaahh, life seriously sucks when you're by yourself at 3:30 in the morning. I should sleep, but when you feel like your head is buzzing, you can't even Attempt to fall asleep. Hanging out with the Night Stars and the RAs is all I've got. I have friends who now have forgotten my stupid issues, have loaded theirs onto me and others, expecting a witty wise response. Oh well, Ya'll are just Plain SHIT OUTTA LUCK.

So why is it that when I try to get close to a guy, he pulls away and starts to talk to the girl next to me? Usually its the person I brought. And then those two will hang out more than when I had hung out with either. It just works out like that with me. I should really start my own business in setting people up. I don't really know How I did it but I really should figure it out.

And I suppose that's really it.