Apparently, I am too comfortable with guys. I had a friend tell me that I would make the most amazing girlfriend because I like almost all sports, watching/laughing at gory and scary movies girls would cry at, and when it comes to emotions I am half boy and half girl. I will actually listen and try to give somewhat okay advice and then after that I'll keep my mouth shut and/or just not care. Walking up the stairs, thinking this, made me run into the door leading to my floor. Then a thought ran through my head that made me snicker. The thought that ran through my head was "Oh god, what if I'm a closet lesbian that doesn't like girls?" Hahahahaha EXCEPT that if you knew me, you'd know that every 10 or so minutes, I'll point at a boy walking by and go "Geeeez he's cute!!" Yeah, I'm not a lesbian. For Sure. :D
But it sort of worries me that I haven't really found anyone that I've been very interested in. I mean I've hung out with cute guys that are So nice and I just don't really understand what my problem is. Lately, I've been feeling the need to write and so I turn to here. I feel like this is truely the only place that I can blow off the steam and frustrations of the day. I just wish I had someone I could talk to who didn't turn out to be a creeper, or an ass, or I don't even know.
But I don't feel like being like Chelsie and Brittany and acting like.. No. I thought what they were doing was unacceptable. Chelsie was sitting on Myles and snuggling up with him looking incredibly cozy. Thank gawd I don't hang out with them very often. And Brittany, talking to guys like it's goin' outta style. What's worse is that Both Of Them Have Boyfriends. Who Love them. And They have NO idea. That DRIVES ME UP THE WALL. I swear, if/when I have a boyfriend, I would never do stupid things like that. I'm not that kind of girl. Guys don't apparently seem to see that in me. I'm just that crazy girl who shook your hand. I don't even know. God, I swear, I almost want to say that Chelsie doesn't deserve her boyfriend, no matter how much I love them both, she Abuses him. I end up talking to him because he hasn't talked to her in a while. It's just so stupid!! And I know I sound ridiculous but What the Hell am I doing wrong? I just want someone to talk to who might actually listen to me... And that sounds so selfish now that I say that. I think that's why. I'm a selfish person. And my karma is letting me know that. What's funny is that almost all of my friends who are going out with eachother now, had met eachother Through Me. Sam, on my hall, was calling me the matchmaker. And I am not even telling you who all I have hooked up. *sigh* Damn I hate my life. It's hard not having someone to back you up you know? Someone I can turn to and say, "Hey, I had a shitty day, can I talk to you?" and not end up getting the response of "Uh, I'm sorry, I'm kinda busy..." and hear "Yeah sure babe, what's goin on?". That's all I want, well along with someone I can hug or cuddle up with. I mean Really? is that So hard to ask for? 99% of the population has had someone like that at one point or another. I, on the other hand, am the 1% that hasn't. I have never had that. Yes, I've had boyfriends before. But Not someone/thing tangible. There's always been a catch. I Fucking hate catches. But I've tried working on it. I've introduced myself to seriously every person I meet. I've gone to lunch and movies and stuff with boys but haven't found someone that makes me feel the butterflies I've felt before.
Damn it, I'm not going to be that girl who will find someone in her Senior year here at college and then move away, and Break Up With them. Yet A-Fucking-Gain.
You know what? From Here on. I want to go on dates every weekend Til fucking Christmas. Now let's start this horse race...
Thanks for listening.
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