Don't you hate it when a movie sets unrealistic bars for men in our society?
You want that hunky musician who adores you and can't Not turn you down, even though life's complicated and you have a laugh like a hyena...
I love and hate "Because I Said So".
I hate how much it makes me giggle and root for the obvious great guy who even has a kid and a live in parent who also happens to be single? Jesus, who writes this shit.
PLUS it doesn't help that the guy is GORGEOUS. Sure he plays the electric guitar and has a tattoo on the back of his hand and can't Not wear a fedora because it ONLY enhances his absolute dare I say it..... beautiful-ness! GAHH I want a man like him in my life.
Sometimes I think "well maybe I'll just be a lesbian... maybe that's just want life hasn't shown me yet..." but then I watch a movie like this (and can I just add how GREAT of a cast it is?? JESUS) and I see this guy who has opinions and has actual feelings *not just about making the woman happy, might I add, but about the relationship in general* and fuck, I'm going to end up alone.
The moment in the movie where Milly is frustrated and then Johnny says to stop apologizing and then draws a heart on her hand (GAHHHH) and she talks about how he can calm her down.. Then he says how she talks in circles yet makes absolute perfect sense? I'm so jealous because I can't even begin to tell you how much that somewhat sounds like me. If you've read my blog before, I typically write stream of consciousness and in circles, typically forgetting what I'm talking about halfway through but I have yet to meet anyone that can follow/keep up with me.
Mom always said it's okay, don't worry that person will come to you and it'll be great and everything will be exactly the way you want it to be.
Well I'm starting to get tired of looking. I mean I'm about 21 and have yet to have a truly solid relationship. So many of my friends are getting married or are having babies, I feel like I should be in that frame of mind, even if Mom had me when she was 29. I don't know.... I would love to feel adored. I would love TO adore someone. I always feel that congested feeling when I'm with someone though. I always suddenly feel like I have another bag to carry that's weighing me down. Maybe that's what I'm scared of in the end though. Maybe I'm scared that I'm just going to hate married life and having kids because I can't be wild and free. I don't know. I would love someone to share things with though. It was enough having Mom and I because in a way we were like sisters. We only had each other, but now that I'm alone and fending for myself with my emotions and thoughts and have very few people I can hurdle them at without horrific repercussions, I'm kinda sad.
This moment I'm not really though. I'm actually for the first time in a long time not wishing for something else. Not wanting something a bit more. I don't feel the need for anything right now... I'm perfectly content in everything and I realize that I'm so incredibly lucky for everything I've got. I've got Becka and her fantastic flat here in Southport which is directly in the middle of anywhere and everywhere I've wanted to go basically. Not to mention that she and I get along famously and I've got a relatively painless trip to Dublin planned that I'm pretty ecstatic to go on. Even if I'm by myself, I'm sure I'll be fine. I make friends pretty easily.
I'm ready to begin the next step of this adventure... And no, I'm not talking about Dublin..
I guess let's see what's out there for me :)
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