This school year.
GAH.
This year has been stupid and crazy and unnecessary to be completely honest. I would love to rewind, go back to the beginning of the summer and redo just about everything.
But no, you can't do that unless you're.. Doctor Who, I mean, yes David Tennant is great but still, no can do senorita.
I guess it hasn't been HORRIBLE in retrospect. There's been some things that make me want to hide away and cry forever... But I just have to let myself hear my mom in my head saying "Anything and everything makes you stronger in the end". She's entirely too right sometimes.
I miss her like crazy, ya know.
*thoughtful thinking break*
You know what's funny? The people who have it all together, right now, they're experiencing what my whole life has been. Spread-too-thin, cluttered, busy, tiring, and just overall- restless.
For the first time, I'm not doing that to myself.
I still remember back in 6th grade: grandmas in the morning, bus to school, garden club, after school Tae Kwon Do practice, then off to swim team, home for dinner and homework until I remember there's a science fair next week with a project I need to work on.
I have always been busy, my whole life. Don't get me wrong, I love it, but in the end- you get so tired. And tired of being so tired. You're brain doesn't stop and you start to notice just how alone you've made yourself even when you try to do everything to get friends or to be a part of something but then you end up once again by yourself... I feel like that at the end of the days here sometimes. I'm surrounded by people but there's just so much to do, I can't stay in one place. And I doubt this is making sense, but who knows.
I push people away because it's hard for me to differentiate between everything going on in my head. I'm an absolute fucking oxymoron. I want someone but can't focus on just that or combine it with all of the things I'm doing. Ohmahgod.
Well shit.
No comments:
Post a Comment