Where you lead, I will follow- anywhere... that you need me to..

So I'm assuming that most of whoever's reading this has already heard.
Maren Louise Candelario passed away on August 16th.

That amazing woman, Mom, sister and friend has left us to be somewhere where she has no pain, no troubles, no problems.
I lost my best friend that day.
My grandma and grandpa lost her daughter.
My aunts Lise and Berit lost their sister.
Many of you lost your friend.

My heart has broken and it hurts so badly, somedays I have no idea what to even do with myself.

I think of her everyday and it hurts. I may smile and distract myself, but almost every little thing reminds me of her. And why should it not? She and I were Rory and Lorelai. We were sympatico.

I was standing in the book line after having waited for my book list and looked at what I was getting and then in my head thought "ugh 3 anthologies? JESUS." then grabbed my phone to call my mom...
Then realized that I couldn't and my heart broke again. I didn't have my phone buddy to call when I thought of little things like that.
I sulked in the book line til I got my stuff, went to try and bought an ethernet cord which then as I was leaving about in tears, I set off the alarms going out of the bookstore in FRONT of the cop.
GOOD GOD NOT RIGHT NOW.
He checked ALL of my stuff and then after a good 6 or 7 minutes sent me on my way.
I sped right over to the counseling center.
I already knew that I couldn't do this on my own and I needed someone who wasn't grieving to help me.
As I was spelling out my last name to the receptionist, I couldn't hold it back any longer and she set a box of kleenex in front of me and proceeded to make sure that I was hustled through the line of people. After awhile I was with a very nice therapist, who heard my story and promised to help me through this. It was nice having someone, a 3rd party as it were, make sure that we could figure out how I could get through this.
And I've figured out a way for myself- I'm writing letters to Mom. Even though I won't have her silly sarcastic comments or her sharp wit anymore, I think it'll help me.

I will get through this. She raised me to be that way... and I will not let her down.
because as my mom said, "Oh honey, Life Goes On."